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For Anyone Who Has Lost a Parent or Will Lose a Parent

I don’t want to ruin your day or anything, but let’s discuss something really sad, because sometimes life stuff is sad. A lot of the time, actually. Sad things happen, and I think it’s important to talk about them.Our parents are going to die. Not right this second (I’m not predicting a parent apocalypse), but eventually they will die. They will die before we do (unless something goes terribly wrong, but let’s not make this any sadder). It’s just the way time works. They’re older. They die first. That’s how they want it, and that’s how it should be. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

By now, most of us have lost someone close to us, so we can imagine how awful it is to lose a parent. But until it happens to you, you won’t fully understand the gravity of the awfulness. And that’s okay. Not understanding is not feeling the pain, and living without the pain is something we should be entitled to do for as long as we can. The pain of waking up every morning and for a split second, forgetting that part of your heart and soul isn’t here anymore, and then remembering is awful. Part of who you are and where you come from is gone. No new memories will ever be made with your parent again.

When something really great happens to you, like when you get married, or have a baby or win a Nobel Peace Prize (or a fun prize in one of those claw arcade games), the person who would care the most isn’t here to be proud of you. If something really bad happens to you, your first instinct is to call your mom or dad for support, but you can’t. Their phone has been disconnected. When your parent dies, you instantly lose the feeling of being connected to your childhood and where you come from. You can no longer ask questions about your family history, medical questions or how to do life questions. No one will ever love us in the same unconditional way our parents have loved us. The pain of losing a parent never goes away, you just learn to live with it.

Everyone grieves differently and in their own way, but ultimately, our feelings are universal. There are different stages of grief, but they don’t happen in order. One day you may feel angry or depressed, and the next day you may think, “If only I did something differently, she’d still be alive.”. Maybe the next day you accept that he’s gone, then five minutes later a memory pops up and you can’t stop crying. There isn’t one correct way of grieving (like there is one correct way of eating an Oreo). If you want to stay home to be alone with your thoughts, then do it. If going out with friends helps you feel better, then go. However you are grieving is how you’re supposed to be grieving.

I’m not a grief expert, but I know that I’m not alone in wanting to talk about it. My mom died two years ago. It was sudden and terrible. I’m still grieving, and I always will be. And you will grieve too, if you aren’t already. But we will be okay, because we have to be. Our lives continue without them. As hard and as heart breaking as it is, we don’t have a choice. Our parents did everything they could to prepare us for being on our own. Not just living in a different home or city, but living when they no longer are. Doing life the way they prepared us to. And as long as we feel like they’d be proud of us, then we’re doing it right. By Hellogiggles. 

This post is dedicated to my mom, Margie Silver, and to all the moms and dads who are greatly missed.

xxxx,

Janice

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You Should Take Care Of Yourself. 

Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all to the relationship you’re in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad. — Nick Cannon

To be honest, the path towards success, victory and happiness is not going to be an easy task. Life is not fair, but the divinity that has created is fair. It has a particular place for each of us whether we come from a burnt out family or a great one. It does not matter where we come from, what really matters are where we are going. The man or a woman we will be 5 years from now is completely under our control. By controlling our actions and habits today, we can actually shape our family, marriage, finances, relationships, peace of mind etc.

The unique ability that the creator has put on human beings is the ability to think for ourselves. However, we go to extreme pains to avoid thinking for our own life. The rampant suffering that exists in the creation today is because people have forgotten their true nature. They are busy feeding their own flesh and living their animal nature unless a sudden calamity hits them in the form of poverty, loss of loved ones, destroyed relationships and finances, etc. If they would have been wise enough to stop and think before these disasters, these calamities could have been easily avoided. 

That’s why you should think about yourself. If you don’t take care of yourself no one else will take care of you. You should take care of yourself. In this world, nobody is perfect, Just try to be an excellent example of a human being. There is no limit to the level of success and achievement a human being can achieve. The technologies and inventions of today were unimaginable by the people of the past. Our ancestors would never have thought that one day people would be flying to the space and traveling to the moon. The mind of the man has the ability to do things that are beyond the comprehension of the finite human.

To live a life of mediocrity is a greatest sin of all and a man who just lives for hand to mouth is the greatest failure. Each man is born with an unlimited potential that will any day surpass the accomplishment of Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Roosevelt, Churchill, etc. We are in the world to make it a better place for ourselves and the future generations. Our legacy should be one of a great life of success and accomplishment. We should set a great example for the future generations to follow just like our ancestors have done. Great men exist so that there can be greater men in the future. By Rajan Thapaliya. 

xxxx,

Janice 

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Est-ce que je suis moins mère parce que j’ai juste un enfant?

Salut! Ça fait un bout que j’ai pas écrit un texte avec un peu de feelings dedans ici. C’est pas parce que j’ai pas de feelings, je vous l’assure, c’est juste que depuis le départ en ~ congé ~ de maternité de Carolane, je suis submergée de travail. On a un gros projet qui sort bientôt, alors on travaille vraiment fort pour réussir à respecter notre deadline. Parlant d’être submergée, je suis assaillie de commentaires depuis que Carolane a enfanté une deuxième fois (et cette fois dans sa salle de bain). Enceinte, c’était correct, je pense que les gens ont compris qu’on ne voulait pas être absentes au bureau en même temps, mais depuis que son petit est sorti, on me demande constamment si je prépare un deuxième bébé. 

L’affaire, c’est que je ne sais pas ben si j’en veux un deuxième. Le premier n’était pas prévu, quoiqu’avec le recul, c’est la plus belle surprise (et la plus challengeante aussi han!) de ma vie. Et là, on est bien, je trouve, moi pis ma famille, à essayer de trouver notre équilibre entre nos carrières et passer du temps ensemble. 

Sauf que, quand je suis invitée dans des soupers, des dîners ou des activités pour mères, on me trouve ben cute d’avoir « juste » un enfant. 

C’est à se demander si je suis moins mère parce que j’ai seulement un enfant. 

La réponse est non. Je sais qu’on a tous des défis. J’ai la chance d’avoir un enfant qui a comme plus grand défaut de ne pas vouloir s’endormir le soir. C’est le seul, à part ça, je peux le traîner de Niagara Falls à Natashquan sans qu’il chiale. Il est en santé, il n’a pas de problématique et on est bien. 

Mais c’est vrai, j’ai sûrement plus de temps qu’une maman qui en a deux, trois, quatre ou même six. C’est pas cute d’avoir juste un kid. Je veux dire, c’est pas moins ou plus. C’est pas être moins mère que d’avoir un enfant plus jeune ou plus vieux. Que d’être une mère séparée ou en couple. Faisons chacun ce que l’on pense être le mieux et c’est ben chill. C’est pas être moins mère que d’avoir juste un enfant. C’est pas être une super mère d’en avoir quatre. Je ne pense pas qu’il y ait des degrés de « méritude ». 

Les seules mères que je considère vraiment plus mères que moi, c’est celles qui doivent assumer les deux rôles. Être seule pour remplir le rôle de parent, c’est un défi en soi. Le manque d’aide et de ressources est criant et ces mères monoparentales sont des guerrières. Avoir le pouvoir de donner des médailles, j’en donnerais à chacune d’entre elles. 

Toute ma vie, j’ai été comparée à ma jumelle, je n’ai pas envie de me faire dire que si je peux encore aller déjeuner le dimanche matin, c’est parce que « j’ai juste un enfant ». Ce n’est pas non plus « parce que j’ai juste un enfant » que je peux le traîner dans des lancements ou des soupers chez des amis. Ce n’est pas non plus parce que « j’ai juste un enfant » que je peux faire des soupers nice la semaine. Je fais juste ce que je pense être le mieux, j’ai conscience du caractère privilégié de ma vie et de mon statut social pis ces privilèges-là jouent pour pas mal plus que le nombre d’enfants à ma charge. 

Je suis juste tannée qu’on m’infantilise à cause de ça. Ce n’est pas le nombre d’enfants qui fait les défis, mais les problématiques que les gens rencontrent. Via Tplmoms.

xxxx,

Janice