Category: Motherhood

Mommy Brain: Yes, It’s a Thing

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“Momnesia” is real. Here’s how to deal.”

If you think delivering that gorgeous baby means an automatic return to your former mental self, think again. “Pregnancy brain” is real, and it can affect your postpartum brain as well. Example: Half of new moms still felt super sleepy 18 weeks after giving birth, according to a recent study published in PLOS One.

Here’s what to expect:

What causes it: Many experts attribute the sluggishness to the upheaval of hormones that inevitably occurs after childbirth. But Shannon Seip, co-author of Momnesia (Andrews McMeel Publishing) and a mother of two in Madison, Wis., thinks sleep deprivation is just as much of a factor. “Since I adopted my second child, I didn’t have the issue with hormones that I did with my first,” she says. “But I was definitely sleep-deprived, and I definitely had momnesia.” (As proof of that, she points to the time when she arrived at work without her shoes.)

The huge learning curve of taking care of a newborn also contributes. “You’re gathering so much new information, so worried about simply keeping your baby alive and well-fed, that it consumes your brain,” Seip explains.

How long it lasts: While research shows the fogginess can last up to a year after having a baby, many women start to see at least some improvement once they adjust to their new lives. Getting more of that ever-elusive sleep also helps.

What you can do in the meantime: Besides laughing it off, try to find comfort in the small triumphs. “You may not be able to remember your husband’s name,” Seip says, “but take pride in the fact that you know your pediatrician’s phone number by memory or that you can operate your breast pump with your eyes closed.”

Also take advantage of a few memory joggers: Leave yourself voicemails; write notes on your palm; keep a pen and paper in several places so you can jot down important reminders. And if you’re concerned about being able to find those reminders, place Post-its in a prominent place. “One mom put them on her baby!” Seip says. Fit pregnancy by Carole Anderson Lucia.

xxxxx,

Janice

50 Things Every Guy Should Know About Pregnancy and Parenthood

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1. From the very moment she announces her pregnancy, she’ll be the center of attention — not you. Get used to it.

2. When the baby comes, they’ll both be the center of attention — not you. Aren’t you glad you had nine months to practice going unnoticed?

3. Your house is too small, it was always too small, and to suggest otherwise simply proves that your brain is too small.

4. Are you about to make your mom and dad grandparents for the first time? Get ready for some ambivalence. There’s no such thing as a young grandparent; give them some time to deal with the shock.

5. She will want to use a birthing center. She will want a midwife. She will want a doctor. She will not want an epidural. She will scream for an epidural. Cesareans will sound great; they will sound awful. Agree with her always.

6. Lamaze is to childbirth what yoga is to football. Sort of. Just do it.

7. Her sense of smell will be so acute, you’ll be tempted to airlift her to join a search-and-rescue team.

8. You’re not really the coach. They’ll tell you that you are, but there will come a time when it’s time to shut your mouth and let her finish out the last two minutes of the game. Then you’ll step in and cut the net.

9. You will be short on cash. You will not buy clothes for yourself for a year. You will consider canceling cable. You will never own a flat-screen TV. But there will always be money for a crib, three car seats, two strollers and more plastic things in Day-Glo colors than you can throw a rattle at.

10. Buy new tires now.

11. During the first week home from the hospital, you will learn to love lasagna.

12. Yes, you’re holding the baby wrong. Do it her way.

13. By the time you change your third diaper, it will seem like the most normal thing in the world.

14. You won’t faint. No one does.

15. Be careful about the word we. For instance, never say, “We didn’t mind amniocentesis at all.”

16. There will come a day when you’ll be your child’s hero. Enjoy it — it won’t last.

17. Contractions are funny things (not ha-ha funny, either). Chances are they won’t match the chart you get at Lamaze. When she says it’s time to call the doctor and go to the hospital, it’s time to call the doctor and go to the hospital.

18. When your mother pulls you aside and tells you that breastfeeding will ruin her breasts, that babies only need to eat every four hours and that if you pick him up every time he cries he’ll never be independent enough to go to summer camp, don’t believe her.

19. During the second week home from the hospital, you will learn to love lasagna.

20. You’ll be surprised and amazed how well you can function on so little sleep.

21. Your child will like her best for a long time. You’ll get your turn — it just comes much later.

22. Tell everybody about the birth. It’s one of the few times people will be genuinely happy about your good fortune.

23. No one knows why babies use so many clothes, especially since they don’t get out much. It’s one of life’s little mysteries.

24. It’s perfectly normal to stare at a sleeping baby for two hours. It’s even normal to videotape a sleeping baby for two hours.

25. Whatever bad phase your kid is going through, you’ll find a solution. However, by the time you do that, he or she will be on to a new, even more confusing phase.

26. Things you thought would make you sick but won’t: baby poop, baby pee, baby puke — and having all of them on your shirt.

27. During the third month home — yep. Lasagna.

28. Pregnant sex is a wonderful thing.

29. While we’re on the subject of sex, it’s called “making love” and will be for at least a year.

30. Take a flask to the hospital.

31. She’ll have the appetite of a truck driver—and for good reason: she’s feeding your child! Save the commentary.

32. Try not to talk incessantly about your baby at work. There’ll be plenty of time for that when you get home.

33. If she wants drugs during childbirth, go get the doctor. Don’t ask, “Are you sure?”

34. The delivery room is the only place where screaming and pushing can actually strengthen your relationship.

35. Sometime after the birth, you and your wife will go on a “date.” Midway through, you both will start missing the baby.

36. You’ll get more advice from your childless friends. Parents will usually shrug and say, “It’ll pass.”

37. Now you know why your friends with newborns never let you visit, except to bring food.

38. A nanny is not a lactation consultant is not a day nurse is not a midwife is not a La Leche League leader is not a gynecologist is not a pediatrician. Learn the taxonomy.

39. After a slew of family visits, you will learn to appreciate “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

40. You don’t really have to be in the delivery room. JK! You do.

41. You won’t be able to trade in the less useful gifts for takeout.

42. Breast milk is to your baby like the yellow sun is to Superman. Lay off the bottles in the fridge.

43. A gym membership is not a push present. Save it for yourself.

44. She is Sybil. You must be Leo Buscaglia, Tony Robbins, Billy Graham and Phil Jackson all rolled into one. Hormones can make her feel like she has multiple personalities. Get to know each one, and roll with it. This is temporary.

45. It’s great to be pregnant — for the first two weeks. After amnio, genetic testing and lectures on breech births, you’ll be filled with a mix of anxiety and elation for the rest of your life. Give your parents a hug.

46. Now you know why all those dads at the mall walk around in those doofy cotton sweats.

47. Memorize these names: Baby Bjorn, My Brest Friend, Boppy.

48. Within six months, you’ll resume some semblance of a sex life.

49. Your baby will like Gerber better than anything you make from scratch.

50. Of course it changes everything.

That’s the whole point, isn’t it?

Two fathers share the nitty-gritty details that every dad-to-be needs to know. Via fit pregnancy. By Chistopher Napolitano and Stephen Randall.

xxxxx,

Janice

Stress Management Techniques

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Pregnancy can be a blissful time rich with new experiences, sensations, and emotions that enrich your life in a plethora of exciting ways. And yet, it can also be filled with the not-so-pleasant stuff like morning sickness, fatigue, and mood swings.

During this turbulent time, countless books, and “parenting experts” tout the importance of reducing stress levels, but there seem to be far fewer discussions about what we can actually do to accomplish this. In today’s post, I hope to bring you some of my favourite tips and tricks to help you feel more grounded and at peace throughout your pregnancy.

First Thing’s First, What Kinds of Stress Are There?

Typically, there are three different types of stress that people experience:

1. Time-related stress: stress related to feelings that there just aren’t enough hours in a day.

2. Anticipatory stress: stress due to imagining what might go wrong in the future.

3. People stress: when you feel stressed around certain people.

What Coping Mechanisms Are Useful for Each Category of Stress?

1. Time-related stress:

• The best way to cope with this is to improve your time management skills. Making a to-do list and writing it down is essential in my opinion. This is vital if you are experiencing ‘Pregnancy Brain’! From there, I like to go one step further and divide your tasks into the following categories: Urgent, Important, Delegate, or Forget It. This tells you what needs to be done immediately, what needs to be done eventually but isn’t pressing, what can be passed on to someone else, and what might not even actually need to be done any more.

• Figure out when you’re most productive and do the most important tasks during that time frame. Deciphering what environment is most conducive to you being productive is also helpful; if you need quiet time, see if you can go into work an hour early or stay an hour later when there are less people in the office.

2. Anticipatory stress:

• It’s easy to think of all the things that could go wrong during pregnancy or as a parent in general, but worrying won’t change the outcome. What are the smallest things you can do in the now to make yourself feel more in control of the situation you’re fantasizing about? Is the future picture you’re painting realistic or are you exaggerating things in your mind? And if you’re fearing something about the future, ask yourself what would be your “upper limit” in that situation that would cause you to change your actions. For example, if you’re worried about pain management during labour, what will be the signs that will help you decide if you will or will not have an epidural? Defining your threshold and sharing it with your partner can be helpful.

3. People stress:

• Everyone has an opinion when it comes to parenting, which can become exhausting. Know when you need to cut yourself off from other people—or at least limit your time with them. From there, develop strategies to decrease the amount of time you’re near them. It can be as simple as sitting on the opposite side of the table if you’re at dinner or putting on headphones at work.

• Know when you need down time to recuperate and be able to say “no” when that mood strikes.

• Try to develop empathy for the other person. Your mother may want to be involved in the pregnancy because hers wasn’t… knowing this can help you separate your emotions from her behaviour.

Overall Methods to Decrease Stress

1. Progressive muscle relaxation*:

This technique involves tensing and releasing different muscle groups so you know how it feels to have fully relaxed muscles. First, you squeeze the muscles as hard as you can for about five seconds. Really focus on what it feels like to have tense muscles. When those five seconds are up, quickly release the tension and exhale. Pay attention to the difference between super tense and super relaxed muscles. Here’s the series of clenching/relaxing that I would follow (TIP: put on some relaxing music in the background as you do this!)

• Forehead: raise eyebrows as high as you can

• Eyes: clench eyelids tightly

• Mouth: open your mouth as wide as you can so your jaw feels stretched

• Neck and shoulders: raise your shoulders so they get as close to your ears as possible

• Chest: take a deep breath and hold so your chest feels tight

• Stomach: suck it in as much as you can

• Butt: squeeze your butt cheeks together

• Right arm: clench your fist and extend your arm as hard as you can

• Left arm: see above

• Upper leg: extend your leg as hard as you can and focus on how tight your quadriceps and hamstrings feel

• Lower leg: put your ball of the foot on the floor and tighten your calf muscle

• Foot: curl your toes downward

2. Go out in nature and unplug.

• There’s something about being fully immersed in nature, whether that’s through taking in a sunset or sunrise when it’s quiet outside, feeling grass on bare feet, or basking in some hot rays of sunshine. Being immersed in nature not only promotes peacefulness, but your body also reaps the physical benefits of doing so such as absorbing some much-needed vitamin D or inhaling some fresh oxygen.

3. #BoringSelfCare

• This has become a new trend in the social media world that involves doing extremely mundane tasks as a form of helping yourself feeling better. It might be as simple as making your bed, doing the dishes, or packing your lunch for the next day. The best thing about #BoringSelfCare is that it can make you feel slightly more in control when things seem all over the place.

4. Do a totally brainless activity.

• Yes, I watch The Bachelorette. I’m not proud of it, but after a long day of exerting mental and emotional energy, this show allows me to shut my brain off. I get the same sensation when I read a really stupid trashy magazine that consists of fictional stories about celebrities. Find something—anything—that let’s you go practically brain dead.

5. Learn to say no and set boundaries for yourself.

• It’s easy to feel like you need to say “yes” to everything due to social pressures or to avoid hurting people’s feelings. But if you continually put yourself second (or third or fourth) on the priority list, you’re just going to get burnt out. Once the baby comes, this will become even more important – be good to yourself. Remember the advice you get on airplanes: You have to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping someone else.

6. Engage in a hobby that makes you feel good about yourself—or pushes yourself outside of your comfort zone.

• Try something totally new that pushes you out of your comfort zone. Seeing your ability to learn and adapt to new situations and environments reminds us that we’re resilient and hobbies also give us time away from our stressors. I actually just started taking a pottery class for the first time, and it’s been amazing to realize that I’m capable of learning something totally new. Plus, those Wednesday night classes give your partner and baby a chance to bond with each other… every Wednesday night! For more on how to build your resilience, check out this other blog post of mine.

7. Eat well and exercise.

• If you’re downing six Red Bulls a day, eating drive-thru food every five days a week, and sitting on your butt 24/7, your body is going to be in such a poor state that handling stress will just throw it over the edge. Cue getting sick, feeling like garbage, and having to possibly miss work (which, of course, only adds more stress). Do yourself a favour and eat as clean as you can during more overwhelming periods. It’s also important to find a form of exercise that connects to you. Many experts highlight the benefits of yoga and meditation—which are certainly helpful and can be done at home even after baby arrives! —but if you feel less stressed after punching a boxing bag for 30 minutes, do that!

The Bottom Line

Identifying the type of stress you experience most often, knowing how to identify stressors, and finding helpful solutions on how to deal with these stressors are the keys to feeling more grounded. And never forget: you’re more capable, resilient, and powerful than you know! Written by Kristina Virro, BA, MA (Journalism), RHN, MSc (Psychotherapy – current) from anxiety comes.com

xxxx,

Janice